失憶症

“忘了你的姓名　忘了你的聲音　回憶就一步一步遠離


忘了天很透明　忘了風很無情　也忘了當時擁抱的甜蜜


愛不再繼續　一個人離去　另一個人　學習忘記


失去了記憶　我的世界　能不能夠　風平浪靜


我　不能忘記　深愛過的你　太過洶湧的回憶就像風雨來襲


每次想你　都慢慢沉溺　失憶症是一種無法治癒的清醒

暴風雨　轉眼間就要來臨　當所有關於你的舊情節還在翻雲覆雨


走下去　天空瞬間就放晴　經歷遺忘的風雨再看不見親吻的痕跡


不再想你

我的勇氣　已不言而喻　我學會了將自己從往事中抽離


不再想你　就這麼決定　失憶症是一種難得一見的幸運

忘記了你的姓名　忘記了你的聲音　忘記了我的愛情”

蔡健雅 的失憶症， 完全唱出我的感觉。我的感受。
要忘记，但却强逼自己记得；
要记得，却忘记了。

The journey...

Feel so hollow, suddenly...
but I have to tell myself stay strong..
成长大概就是这种滋味吧。
My determination is telling me must hold on no matter what.
Hold on and stay strong.
Keep on going, aim to my target and shoot!

Every time, when I'm drawing I will start wondering how it would be...
would it be nice or ugly...
worrying is always more than expecting...
not expecting how good myself would be but better not ruin everything..
but now.. I want what I wanted and get what I want...
I don't like regret, I hate that...
don't want the future me feel disappointed on what I'm doing now...
Keep on going... keep on going girl!

Unstable

There is only one word can describe my feeling now...
>> UnSTABLE <<

Ever since I graduated from The One Academy I was so free until now...
Actually, this is what I hope when I was still studying my course, Advertising & Graphic Design.
That's a quite a tough course. I had been stressed and it was a terrible nightmare for me to study there
but there still  have a lot of happy and unforgettable moment during these 3 years.
I was spend my time there from 18-20 year old.. I know that's a lot of things happened on me
in this 3 years which helped me to grow up faster.

I quite enjoy this kind of busy & stressful life like I have to worried about what I have not yet to do
or did I miss out anything? or forget anything? everyday..
bcoz it is kinda like forcing me to grow up, forcing me to be responsible.. etc
But I don't know ever since when, I start to fight with myself. I don't follow what I wanted to do
just keep on slacking everyday when I'm having my last semester.
It's a cold war. I was afraid it would never end...
Until now ... slacking everyday not even done writing or preparing any CV, portfolio...
I was wondering what am I thinking now?
I don't know what I want or feeling lost?
Am I lost?
Seriously, this is not what I will do in the past...
Why making me feel the older I grew the terrible attitute I had?

I found that there's not really much of grateful moment I share with my readers here recently...
I have no readers too...
but who cares...
may be I should share something memorable here like my 21st birthday?
hmm....
feeling lonely now...

曾经的拥有是不曾拥有

曾经听说，
人越是成长，
伴随着我们的梦想就会因成长时遇到的挫折慢慢地给歼灭。


曾经听说，
最有创意思想的年代，是高中那时期。
我想着想着，也对。
从前，我写作文都不用构思，就直接写了，成绩也还算不错。


曾经看过，
《面包树出走了》里面写到...
有一天，当我年老，有人问我，人生的哪一段时光最快乐，
也许，我会毫不犹豫的说，是十多岁的时候。
那个时候，爱情还没来到，日子是无忧无虑的；
最痛苦的，也不过是测验和考试。
当时觉得很大压力，后来回望，不过是那么微小。


曾经觉得，
那些伤害过我的，让我伤心的，
我要也让他们承受这种滋味，
后来想想，没了他们，也没有今天独立，会为别人着想的我。


曾经想要，
回到那无忧无虑的时期，做回那个自己，但
那时却没想到，其实我一直都没变，变的是
周围的环境罢了。


曾经我放弃过自己，
自杀是需要很多勇气，或者不去想自杀后所带来的痛苦就直接去做。
多亏我的想太多，才没作出那么傻的行为。
因为这会让我失去更多。


我知道，
我们都在时光里跌跌撞撞的成长，然后一点点离开最初的模样


但我却，


不想长大，
我还要顽固地留在这时代，顽固地不想长大地长大。


但，


我只能向前走，
因为时间是洪水，是大浪。
它不会给我回头的机会。


金钱交易是一个永远不会结束的游戏，
我们用时间赚金钱，但却用金钱买不到


一秒钟的时间。

2014年
明洁。

what can I do? What I can do? What I can do to make myself better?

I have forgotten this corner since my final semester begin and now it was ended.
After finish my course I'm feeling so lazy to do everything even read or playing puzzle.
Being nothing to do and don't want to do everything is really bad and terrible so I decided to work my part time again as an art teacher better than doing nothing at home..
I have no idea why I write this post because I feel like there is nobody will see this and may be they don't even know about this blog's exist. I have been very long didn't do my writing and also just read a few articles only. hmm... so yea... it's January~ my favourite month but I think a few years later it was longer my favourite anymore because I'm getting older. I'm not afraid of getting older I just worried about I have not much time left to do what I wanted to do... I'm a lazy person and love to waste my time. Sometimes it just feeling so right to do the wrong thing but I never regret on the wrong things I did  before. I really miss the old time that I was still in high school... That time I still remember I keep telling myself do whatever I want to do now don't let the future me feel regret but even though I really try hard to spend the good time in high school the future me (now) ain't feel any satisfied I still feeling not enough and always want to go back. I understand everyone need to look forward but sometimes I just hope can go back to do what I've did wrong and make it right. The 21st me is the brand new me.. the feeling of to start a new journey come out from my mind, I'm so scare but yet expecting what will happen to me in the future. I just hope no matter what happen my friends and family will never leave me and always love me. 21st Jie.

小时代里爱上了这么一句

“我们活在浩瀚的宇宙里，漫天漂浮的宇宙尘埃和星河光尘，我们是比这些还要渺小的存在。你并不知道生活什么时候就突然改变方向，陷入墨水一般浓稠的黑暗里去。你被失望拖进深渊，你被疾病拉进坟墓，你被挫折践踏地体无完肤，你被嘲笑、被讽刺、被讨厌、被怨恨、被放弃。但是我们却总是在内心里保留着希望，保留着不甘心被放弃的跳动的心。我们依然在大大的绝望里小小地努力着。这种不想放弃的心情，它们变成无边黑暗里的小小星辰。我们都是小小的星辰。”                                                                                                  ——周崇光

hi june

迷人的六月，

最近都好词穷，完全没办法表达心中想表达的讯息。我... ...会不会患上语言障碍？

最近听到一位朋友说我的笑容变多了。

嗯... ...那就好。

也许是习惯了这样的自己了吧。

但... ...这年末，就要毕业了。如无意外。

也许是因为最后一年的关系吧，压力也渐渐变大了，但我还是选择相信自己可以做得好的。毕竟这使自己选择的道路。

advertising design 这科，完全是看自己的造化，也许每一个科系也都一样吧，只要努力，不断尝试，就会达到自己想要的结果。看过一篇文章里面说到，人们最想要的就是

一觉睡到小时候。所以我问了自己，回到小时候真的有那么快乐吗？除了不必自己赚钱和看别人脸色之外。如果回到小时候，就代表着所有的悲伤都要重来一次，这样不是更痛苦吗？

我现在的心情其实有一半的期待，一般的害怕。期待着看外面的世界，害怕自己变的自己也不认得自己。我总是爱挑战困难，认为这是一条让自己成长的道路，如果太保护自己，到最后什么都没经历过就离开了这世界就有些不值得了。一个人的城市固然寂寞，

但还终是要翻开寂寞，孤独这chapter. 只要读完了这chapter也许下篇文章将会写着快乐或自由呢？
我不知道，自己将会走到哪里，但我会有这心理准备接受即将遇到的每个难关。
因为我想要完成我的梦想。

jie